Empathic Parenting and Family Stress Management

Often, preceding the onset of child’s difficulties, family and parenting bonds were healthy and strong, and a sense of harmony and joy was strongly present despite the struggles and stresses of daily life. For the most part, things worked: parents had the answers; children and parents drew together to resolve problems; the family was able to cope with stressors. Over time, and with the emergence of significant psychological, behavioral, or functional problems, once-effective coping skills fall short and personal resources can become exhausted. Hopes, dreams, and joy are replaced by frustration, exasperation, and thwarted expectations. Harmful blaming, heated conflict, and intense stress can become both chronic and acute. 

Unfortunately, parents and children can develop cycles of reactivity that can damage bonding, reduce trust, lead to perpetual crises, and ultimately cause a serious relational divide. This kind of tragic fallout often accompanies the emotional and behavioral disorders that I see in my practice, and often becomes part of the problem that has been a hidden obstacle to finding solutions and much-needed relief.

My treatment goals always include helping parents and their children bridge relational gaps, and to restore communication, flexibility, warmth, closeness, and strong attachment. It is also crucial to rebuild a sense of competence, empathy, and pride for parents as well as for children.

When necessary, I work separately with parents to build self-awareness and positive parental self-esteem; to replace reactive, stress-bound behaviors with those that are empathic and nurturing; and develop new, individualized concepts of appropriate role and developmental expectations, both for themselves and for their child. I have found that this combination of support and skill-building has frequently helped parents remember why they used to so enjoy being parents and how to get back to that place once again. Instead of coming from a place of futility, they find their way to a sense of renewed energy and hope, and can see the positive qualities of their child. I help parents to nurture and fulfill their child's need for trust, empathy, and affection, while providing a lifelong foundation for healthy, enduring relationships.

Even without a prominent emotional disturbance, ordinary developmental changes and transitions can lead to disharmony, distancing, and conflict. Everyone is out-of-sync and feeling like they are strangers to each other; what used to work well is either ineffective or just makes things worse. This can be due to what is known as a Family Life-Cycle Transition. Typically, this occurs when children and/or parents move into or out-of various developmental phases, such as adolescence or middle-age, or can accompany significant changes in family or school/work roles; changes in location, health, or financial status; or the onset of bereavement issues following the loss of a pet, friend, or family member. It is ideal to address these issues preventatively when possible, or as they are beginning to manifest in response to circumstances. Sometimes, if not addressed sufficiently or promptly enough, these issues can evolve into more substantial psychological, behavioral, and/or addiction problems. I try to help families build awareness to these kinds of instances, phases, and cycles, and to achieve the adaptive shifts in knowledge, roles, and parenting skills that are called for.

My approach and practice focuses on helping families break cycles of stress, and provides tools that resolve conflicts and strengthens parent-child relationships by:

• Helping parents shift from a reactive parenting approach to one that is based on respect, empathy, and appropriate flexibility
• Identifying stressors that trigger familial cycles of conflict
• Teaching parents how to establish and communicate realistic and developmentally-appropriate expectations, choices, and limits
• Creating the conditions for children and parents to experience success

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